Final Advice

Summary of the Adolescent Journey:

A Message to Teens and Parents:

The preceding pages have highlighted many of the changes, conflicts and issues that confront adolescents as they evolve from kids to adults. It is important for parents to understand that the "kids" are growing up in a world more complicated than twenty years ago. But it is important that the teen understand that many of the basic arguments they have with their parents are the same twenty years later.

Adolescents deserve a parents respect, time and attention. They need to be allowed some freedom in order to learn to make their own decisions. They also need to know that with each decision they make, there will be a consequence, good or bad, based on that decision. Demonstrating consistently good judgment should be rewarded with more freedom. Poor decision making should logically carry consequences of less freedom, more limits.

Parents and teens should be encouraged to sit down ahead of time and outline what they see as reasonable rules and the consequences for breaking those rules. This helps to eliminate confusion. "I didn't know", is not an acceptable excuse. It is not an excuse for adults and the goal is for teens to become respectable adults.

Final Advice for Teens:

  • Be willing to accept some rules. Rules and laws will govern you for the rest of your life.
  • Challenge yourself to always do what is right.
  • If you demonstrate to your parents that you are following the rules, use this to bargain for more freedom.
  • Remember that with added freedom comes added responsibility. Making the transition from kid to adult means accepting responsibility for all of your behaviors. This is HUGE!

Final Advice for Parents:

  • Be willing to make rules that are clear and be willing to enforce them.
  • Be willing to negotiate increasing freedom as your teen demonstrates consistently responsible behavior.
  • Don't set higher standards of conduct for your teen than you do for yourself-example really is the best teacher.
  • Don't try to be a friend to your teen-this isn't what they want or need.
  • Continually reinforce, during quiet times, that your motives are not driven by a desire to instruct or control, but rather by concern and love.
  • Be able to gradually accept that as parents we can claim credit and responsibility for less and less of our teen's behavior as they grow into adulthood.